ASD Begins Final Phase of Schedule Shake Up: High School Students Move to Third Shift to Prepare Them For Factory Work

As if parents of students attending ASD weren't already upset enough about the controversial new school schedules, Superintendent Jharrett Bryantt announced today that they're throwing another wrench in the situation: High school students will immediately begin a third shift schedule.

"We were frank from the beginning of this journey," Bryantt said at a press conference. "There's going to be several phases to this plan that everyone was begging for. First, we stagger the start times across all grade levels. Second, we rotate those start times at random intervals. Third, we're going to move our high schoolers to third shift to better prepare them for factory work."

Bryantt pointed to studies that show teenage brains are more active at night and can make it hard to fall asleep at a decent hour. "So we thought, since anyone that graduates from ASD won't be qualified for anything but swing shift factory work anyway, let's get them ready for their new careers!"

He assured angry parents that only the best, fact-based data was used to inform the decision and that if they didn't like it, they could move to the valley.

"ASD is currently ranked dead last in the nation in test scores so we're literally just throwing shit at the wall at this point," he said.